Comparison, apparently, is the thief of joy. As a 3rd year musical theatre student at a drama school, I have heard often about the dangers of comparing yourself to others, and how this is not helpful. Up until now, I think I’ve managed to steer clear of the worst of comparison. Sure, I used to feel a lot of imposter syndrome, but up until a few weeks ago, I was feeling generally positive about how I was getting on in 3rd year.
3rd year is a busy, exciting, and sometimes stressful time. In the last few weeks, we’ve had agents watching our agent week showcase, and we’ve also had our end of year show auditions. We’ve also been filming showreel footage, and generally getting ourselves set for graduation, which (terrifyingly) is just a few months away.
Now, I am a very competitive person in some regards – put me in an endurance sport activity, and I promise you I WILL try to outdo everyone – but I am nowhere near as competitive when it comes to stuff like getting agents. It isn’t that I don’t want an agent – of course I do (and if any agents are reading this, hi, please get in touch!)- but I truly believe that just because one person signs with an agent, it doesn’t mean there isn’t room for me to sign with an agent too. So far, I haven’t received any agent offers, but that’s okay with me.
The problem I have isn’t that I am comparing my lack of offers with people who have multiple offers. No, the problem is me judging my own work. Not judging the OUTCOME of my work (such as whether I get an agent offer) – although the judgement of my work is sometimes affected on this – but on the QUALITY of my work itself. Up until now, I have been able to shield myself from this, by reassuring myself that it is okay if I can’t do something, because I am still training. However, as my training comes to an end, I feel the mounting pressure to do things perfectly.
And I know perfect doesn’t exist. I know that when I graduate, I will still be able to train, and learn, and grow. But seeing the flaws in my own work – especially when I see others doing work that I think is of higher quality – is hard. It’s really hard.
This is made harder by the fact that I am creating my own showreels. Some people pay to get showreels filmed professionally, but I chose to film mine myself, as I want to update my showreels regularly. So I filmed myself again and again. And again. Which would have been fine… except I also have to edit all the footage. Which means watching myself back, and trying to choose between 5 different clips of the same song, which are all very very similar, to find the best one. In the process, I have found myself analysing every detail of my performances, not always in the most positive way. I then post my showreels on social media, and then my original judgement of their quality is affected by how many likes and comments they receive, and from who.
Clearly, none of this is helpful. So, what’s the answer? How do I stop thinking that maybe I am not “good enough”? Option 1 is to wait for some sort of external validation – a successful audition, or some praise from someone whose opinion I value. But relying on external validation does not sound like a long-term solution, and I can’t guarantee it is going to happen. Option 2, as I see it, is to simply accept where I am at – accept that this is how “good” I am right now – and work to get better from this point. This is something I can do, and it gives me a much more positive focus for my energy. Just because someone else is “better” than me now, doesn’t mean I can’t get as “good” as they are, if I put in the work. I might wish I put in that work years ago, but I can’t change the past, and so my only choice is to work towards the future.
If you have also been struggling with feeling behind, or like your work isn’t as good as you want it to be, or isn’t as good as other people’s, you are not alone! But I hope you can join me in accepting where you are at, and setting some goals to get better. Use other people’s strengths as inspiration, and remember, you CAN reach those strengths too. Let’s start working to reach those today.
Millie Double 